"The Man, The Mission, The Passion" Husband, Father, Attorney, CPA, Steward Leader, Entrepreneur, MBA, Author, Builder, HBS OPM 25 Class, Mentor, Teacher

Small, Smart, Slow

diet and exercise

What is your desired weight? Below are some easy, common sense (but not common practice?) tips on how to get there.

Eat Small: Portion Control is Key! It is all too easy to go on a “See Food” diet: if we see it, we eat it, if it is in front of us, we eat it. Because the “full” reflex is on about a 30-minute delay, we tend to stop when the food in front of us is gone not when we are full. At a buffet, I always grab a small dessert plate and use it as my entrée plate. I tell myself if I want more I’ll go back but I rarely do. Frequently at a restaurant I will ask that only half my meal be plated, the rest to remain in the kitchen to be taken “to go”.

Eat Smart: Acquiring nutritional knowledge is a must for anyone who wants to live long and healthy. Here is the Cliff Notes version: Leafy greens, fruits, veggies, whole grain breads, some nuts, if you eat meat, stay with fish, chicken, perhaps pork i.e. the light meats. AVOID: Processed Foods, Red Meats, Sugar (i.e. anything that sounds like or ends in glucose, also do NOT be fooled by such labels as high fructose corn syrup, concentrated fruit juice, evaporated cane juice, cane crystals, raw sugar or malt syrup).

Eat Slow: You like food? So do I! So let’s slow down and savor our meals! I sometimes tell myself I can eat as much as I want as long as I eat sloooowly! Taking small bites, chewing deliberately until the food virtually disappears, putting down my fork or spoon between each and every bite, frequently taking sips of water. I find I enjoy my meal much more, eat less, and give my “full reflex” plenty of time to kick in. You can think of it as mindful eating, meditative eating. Make leisurely eating a lifelong habit and you will live long and happy!

Two closing thoughts:

1) Do NOT diet! I mean, come on, the word starts out as “die”! When you diet or excessively or quickly cut calories, your body’s starvation mode kicks in and it conserves by burning fewer calories. Instead, eat small, slow, and smart!

2) Exercise is WONDERFUL for your health, both physical and mental, and yes, muscle mass burns more calories than fat BUT don’t count on exercise to lose weight: one chocolate cookie has more calories than the marginal benefit of an hour of exercise (remember, you have a resting metabolism calorie burn rate so it is only the extra marginal calories of exercise that really make a difference in getting rid of that cookie.) That said, if you have a job that requires a lot of sitting, get up and move around for 5 minutes every hour; not that it burns that much calories but it does do wonders to reduce the risk of heart attacks.

As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier


Negative Reciprocation

couple fighting

Negative reciprocation is sending back the hurt received. It may be active-aggressive: raised voices, hurtful remarks, digging up past sins, angry accusations not fully meant, over statements (“you always do/say ‘x’” when the truth is less clear) or passive-aggressive: denial, silence or distancing/ignoring, refusal to engage constructively.

Breaking a cycle of negative reciprocation is critical if emotional growth is to occur, if a relationship is going to flourish. Caring for someone means we are vulnerable to them and unless we are centered and grounded, this openness to the possibility of pain can trigger dysfunctional defensive reactions that undermine the very relationship we need to nourish in order to be happy and content.

No relationship is problemless, that is just life. We all bring in our personal wounds, scripts and programing from our past of which we are usually not fully aware. The problem isn’t that there are problems, the problem is that we unrealistically want there to not be problems and we try to magically wish (ignore?) them away, hoping to avoid the work of diligently working through them, constructively communicating toward a resolution.

Stay in the calm zone, take time out’s as necessary, be willing to “go to the balcony” and dispassionately observe yourself, agree to “fight fair” (good books exist on the topic), avoid hitting below the belt or using your intimate knowledge of your partner’s vulnerability to inflict pain, stick to the real issues (often what triggers a flare up is merely the fuse to a deeper issue that has been building energy beneath the surface), avoid “you statements”, instead talk in terms of your feelings, being careful not to project your worst fears (i.e. express concerns constructively), take time to remember/emphasize the things you have in common.

Closing Quotes:

“What others do/say is their karma, how you react is yours.” – Proverb

“Forgiveness offers me all that I want; all that I give to others I give to myself.” – ACIM

“We are not punished for our anger, but by our anger.” – Proverb

As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier

Do You Suffer From Atelophobia?


Atelophobia is the fear of imperfection, the fear of never being good enough and is kin to perfectionism, the obsessive compulsive striving to achieve impossible goals, the feeling that achieving anything less than perfect is failure. Perfectionism has its plus and its minus. Constrained and directed, adaptive perfectionism can be a positive, a burning desire to achieve that motivates one to great effort. In its maladaptive form, perfectionism can lead to harsh, excessive self-criticism and even depression when failure inevitably occurs.

Whether it is fear of failure or fear of not being good enough the great truth of life is that if perfect is the standard, then NONE of us are ever good enough or ever fully up to the task and yet it all works out somehow in the end. Hard work and intelligent persistence usually prevail and are a lot more at hand than perfection!

Closing Quotes:

“You don’t have to be perfect to be perfectly okay.” – NSC

“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” – T. Harv Eker, b. 1954, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind

“True superiority complexes are rare, generally only an over compensated inferiority complex i.e. bluster covering fears of inadequacy.”

As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier