"The Man, The Mission, The Passion" Husband, Father, Attorney, CPA, Steward Leader, Entrepreneur, MBA, Author, Builder, HBS OPM 25 Class, Mentor, Teacher

Search Inside Yourself!

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Search inside yourself and what will you find? Any dark corners, un-dusted shelves, closed, even locked, doors? How well do you know yourself? Are you friend’s with yourself? On your own side? When your inner critic weighs in, is it with good, solid coaching? Or raw, scathing venom?

Can you stand to be alone with yourself? Do you use idle time well? Do you take the time on occasion to sit quietly and reflect upon your life? Are you comfortable with your deeper thoughts?

In the July 2014 issue of Science magazine a study found that “participants typically did not enjoy spending 6 to 15 minutes in a room by themselves with nothing to do but think… many preferred to administer electric shocks to themselves instead of being left alone with their thoughts.” (“Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind”, Timothy Wilson, lead author)

Wow! Preferring self-administered electric shocks to being alone with your thoughts….

Kind of hard to live a life on purpose if you don’t set aside some time to get to know/understand the life your are living.

Closing Quote:

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates, (469 BC – 399 BC)

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8 Thoughts on Judging

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“We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals;
others by their acts.”
- Harold Nicolson  

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
- Carl Gustav Jung   

“We become what we think about, like it or not.

If we think in terms of judgment and criticism and competitiveness,
we’re going to attract more of the same into our lives. 

We can talk about positivity until the cows come home.
But if we have constant thoughts of negativity,
we will only find more negativity showing up in our lives.”
-Serena J. Dyer

  “Judge not, that you be not judged.
For with what judgment you pronounce you will be judged &
with the measure you use it will be measured back to you”
- Matthew 7: 1– 2 

“Time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions.
Refrain, therefore, awhile from setting yourself up as judge of the highest matters.”
- Plato 

“If we make a conscious choice to stop condemning and judging our peers
& we slowly practice it until it becomes second nature,
we will find that the judgment we receive has lessened as well.
Or we just won’t care about it anymore.
Either way, it sounds nice to me!
- Serena J. Dyer,
 ‘Don’t Die with Your Music Still in You’ 

“We evaluate others with a Godlike justice,
but we want them to evaluate us with a Godlike compassion.” 

– Sydney J. Harris  

If someone comes at you in a judgmental way
& you judge them for it,
you just doubled the amount of judgment
in the space you’re both in.”
- Wayne W. Dyer

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The Ecstasy of Surrender: Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life

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Ok, I’m a hard charging male and the concept of surrender is foreign to my soul. Never, ever give up rings much truer to me!

At the same time, over the years, I have learned the vital importance of focusing on my true goals and not scattering my energy.

All too often many of our
-reflexive actions
-habitual behavior patterns
-unexamined beliefs
-unfocused thoughts or
-negative internal monkey chatter 

take us toward goals that are more societies values than ours or represent warped ideals pounded into our subconscious brains by Madison Ave, designed to make us buy not to facilitate happiness or contentment. This represents an undirected life, spent drifting with the current. Live a life on purpose!

When you take the time to sit down and write out YOUR values, goals and action plans to realize them, you will find that much of your energy is not directed toward the things that are truly important to you. THOSE are the first things you want to “surrender” up: release the actions, values and habits that do not serve you, support you or take you forward.

The second set of things you need consider letting go of is the things that just aren’t happening. The wise farmer does not cast his seed upon rocky ground” (Mark 4:26, Luke 5:8).  We have at least 6 roles in life (personal/internal, family/friends, career/educational, spiritual, physical health, and community) and we should have multiple goals in each area with action plans, targets and time lines for each. If it isn’t happening in one area or in one goal, then relax & put your energies into other area where it is happening! Often you will find that obstacles dissipate or new approaches become possible.

If a goal is core to your being, as an absolute minimum, back off and re-think your approach. Frequently an oblique method or counter intuitive tactic works wonders! After all, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  Sometimes soft works better than hard, seeking first to understand, then to be understood is VERY powerful as is concentrating on removing restraining forces rather than increasing driving forces!

Call it release, call it letting go, call it surrender: it is a powerful tool to have in your life management skills toolbox!

Closing Quotes: 

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” - Serenity Prayer  

“For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.” - Larry Eisenberg, b. 1919 

“Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Consider letting them go.” - Oprah Winfrey    

“Though surrender may seem counter-intuitive to making your goals happen, it can actually be the magical factor that facilitates this and relieves gridlock. Life becomes easier and more blissful when you can let go. One of the most important changes we can make is to shift from seeing surrender as sign of defeat, to seeing it as a land of victory inside ourselves.” - Marianne Williamson, Author of A Return to Love 

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A BLOG ON PERSONAL LEADERSHIP BY THE FOUNDER OF THE COLLIER COMPANIES
LARGEST PRIVATE PROVIDER OF STUDENT HOUSING