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Staying Calm when Angry

calmwhenangry

Anger can have a positive side; it energizes us when we are threatened or when boundaries have been violated. Unfortunately, most of the time anger does not serve us well; anger makes a lousy servant and a terrible, terrible master if we allow it to take control.

Managing our emotions breaks down into the Immediate (dealing with the emotion in the moment) and the Long Term (what thoughts, world view created this emotion, what trigger/fuse brought it to the surface?).

First, never, ever deny the emotion. What we resist, persists. Acknowledge its existence while controlling its expression to the extent you, your intelligent/rationale side, feel is appropriate given your goals and priorities. Never sacrifice what you want most, what you want and have worked for long term, on the altar of hot, frenzied short term emotions! Misdirected anger can harm your health, mental and physical, as well as damage your relationships.

Look for the original source of the anger; cease fueling it, stop feeding it, refrain from telling yourself the stories that generate the seeds of anger, the litany of wrongs that justify your outrage. Even if true (and there is always another side to the story, other points of view), it does not serve you, it does not lead you to a better place, it does not create happiness, joy or contentment or generate solutions. If your thoughts are drawn back, simply repeat “Release! Release! Release!” or “Onward, Forward, Upward” over and over and over, as long and as frequently as necessary. Physical activity or movement of any kind or change of location all help re-focus your thoughts and energy.

The story of “The Two Wolves” is a Cherokee legend of that uses the metaphor of two wolves fighting, one of Light and Hope, the other Darkness and Despair, to explain our inner conflicts. Which one wins? The one we feed. Which do you feed most?

Closing Quotes:

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” – Buddha

“The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.” – Joseph Joubert, 1754-1824

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain/Samuel Clemmons

“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Getting angry is punishing yourself with the mistakes of others.” – Ritu Ghatourey

As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier

 

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