"The Man, The Mission, The Passion" Husband, Father, Attorney, CPA, Steward Leader, Entrepreneur, MBA, Author, Builder, HBS OPM 25 Class, Mentor, Teacher

Felt Any Zielschmerz Lately?


Zielschmerz is “the exhilarating dread of finally pursuing a lifelong dream, which requires you to put your true abilities out there to be tested on the open savannah, no longer protected inside the terrarium of hopes and delusions that you created in kindergarten and kept sealed as long as you could, only to break in case of emergency.”

Zielschmerz is not a real word except in the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows a fascinating collection of words for obscure, often fleeting emotions that we all have at one point or another but have no common term to facilitate understanding them or discussing with others (i.e. Exulansis—Sense of frustration when you realize that you are trying to talk about an important experience, but other people are unable to understand or relate to it, so you give up).

It takes courage to put our dreams into action; new beginnings often require we leave something familiar and comfortable behind; to grasp the rung above we must release the rung below.

Closing Quote:

“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we will fall!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
And so they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.”
– Guillaume Apollinaire, 1880-1918

As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier

Beware the Dunning–Kruger Effect

dunning kruger

The most dangerous person is the confident incompetent. Unfortunately, according to the Dunning–Kruger Effect, it is almost inevitable that the incompetent will be over-confident in their ability! This is simply because their incompetence means they lack the ability to judge their competence. As a result, low ability folks frequently suffer from illusionary superiority, consistently rating themselves significantly more capable then they actually are.

There are unfortunate corollaries: “High-ability individuals may underestimate their relative competence and may erroneously assume that tasks which are easy for them are also easy for others.” – Wikipedia

Solution? Cultivate a healthy skepticism, do not blindly accept anyone or anything as an authority, question frequently, become an independent thinker, seek out multiple sources.

Closing Quotes:

“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.” – Charles Darwin

“Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance” – Confucius

“One painful thing about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid and those with understanding are filled with doubt and indecision” – Bertrand Russell

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool” – Shakespeare; As You Like It

“If you’re incompetent, you can’t know you’re incompetent. The skills you need to produce a right answer are exactly the skills you need to recognize what a right answer is.” – Errol Morris

As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier


What is Your Relationship Belief System?

holding hands

People have many belief systems about relationships that powerfully affect the quality and length of their relationships. Interestingly, many of these beliefs are not consciously held or are so much part of the background or wallpaper of their lives that folks may not even realize they have them or how differently other people may feel about or view the same situation (i.e. fish discover water last).

Many people have a Destiny Belief System (i.e. it just is what it is) about relationships, love and attraction to others, physical or otherwise. In contrast, others hold what might be called a Growth Belief System about relationships which can be summarized as “effort makes a difference”. Under the Destiny Belief System school of thought, once love dies or begins to fade well, that’s just how the cookie crumbles. Under the Growth Belief System of relationships, ups and downs in closeness, intimacy, and attraction are a normal part of the cycle of life and are a sign post to try harder, smarter, longer; go deeper/closer, listen more, talk it out, touch more, read a book on relationships together, set aside time for date night or mutual relaxation (duo massages?), take a second honeymoon, visit a therapist etc., etc.

The Destiny Belief System clings to the expectation that true love “just happens” Cinderella style, that if it’s work, if you have to “work on it”, then something is wrong. While it is certainly true that physical, emotional, and intellectual attraction can be instantaneous, true intimacy (in-to-me-see) takes time. Like many things in life, relationships often boil down to “Think you can, think you can’t, you are right.”

Closing Quotes

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” – Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

“Relationship is an art. The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

“There are times when two people need to step apart from one another, but there is no rule that says they have to turn and fire.” – Robert Brault

As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier